My muscles hate me.

Just an update on my muscles and why they hate me.  Well, I don’t actually know why they hate me, but they definitely do.

Not only am I having that delightful slight burning in my lower right abdomen near my groin/inguinal ligament, I am having a burning pain in the front of the pubic bone.  Also sometimes if I bend over I have a pain above the pubic bone, around the region of the lower abdominals.

I’m unsure if I’ve just overdone it so much that this is the result.  I don’t know if it’s compensation.  I don’t know if it’s referral pain or tendonitis.  I don’t know if it’s hernia(s).

I keep hearing that I’m early on in the game and you can take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back.  I don’t like that.  Especially when in a month I’m going to be expected to work 12 hours shifts, on my feet the majority of those 12 hours.  I’m extremely nervous about it.  Granted, I will only be working 2 days a week to begin with, (my flex position allows that.)

I’m hoping that this is just a season and this pain will pass along with the others.  I am seriously SO discouraged though.  This journey has been rough.  From being inactive physically for almost 2 years, to the pain (physical and emotional), and just not being myself.

I can’t help but be bitter and feel sorry for myself.  I’ve actually gotten quite good at both of those things.  People keep saying positive things to me, which I think is great and I understand it comes from a good place, but I just can’t see it.  I feel like there isn’t going to be an end to it.  I’ve come to almost expect the worst in all situations.

I’m just so damn sick of feeling like a 90 year old.  Actually, there are probably 90 year olds getting along better than I am.  They are probably the ones I saw pass me during races.

I’ll try to keep the pity party to a minimum, I don’t really like inviting people to it, but sometimes I like a little company.  Someone has to eat the cupcakes, right?